We all have baggage from our past that we either hang onto (tightly) or actively work at letting go. If we can’t…we remain broken. As a relationship and dating coach , I encourage my clients to manage their connections consciously from day 1. Because a lot of dynamics that influence your future and the ability to go all the way to marriage (if you so desire) are determined in the early stages, i.e. dating or even pre-dating (for example, friendship).
Some of the simplest, even seemingly silly questions, have led to the most profound and touching answers. The biggest joy has been watching men’s faces as they are truly listened to and appreciated for their willingness to share. Have fun and good luck. Don’t get discouraged if it doesn’t go well at first. Almost everything we do naturally in listening to women will stop men from communicating. Keep practicing and the rewards will come.
now he is calling me twice a day , i picked his call once thought , he might be normal but no he is just keeping it formal (to check wat am upto) now i have stopped taking his calls ,.. my exams are coming up am really hurt not able to sleep or concentrate.
You should definitely stop. If you are doing all the contacting, and he’s saying things like you’re adding to his stress, he’s being pretty clear. Not wanting you around his friends, not initiating talk, seemingly pained to say I love you back if you say it… he is being very clear. I’m not sure why you’re saying you don’t know what to do. I think you do, you just don’t want to. You’re not endearing yourself to him in anyway being so over-available especially when he’s pushing you away. Let it go.
I always thought sociopaths were someone that committed extreme acts like Manson or Bundy – I did not realize they live among us and their behaviors are much more subtle than expected. I would have thought you meet a Bundy and he kills you or leaves you… Not that he sticks around for years masquerading as a normal person.
Sliding vs. Deciding is a theme that comes out of my study of commitment. Based on my work—and that of colleagues such as Galena Rhoades and Howard Markman—I believe sliding vs. deciding” captures something important about how romantic relationships develop. The core idea is that people often slide through important transitions in relationships rather than deciding what they are doing and what it means. For example, sociologists Wendy Manning and Pamela Smock conducted a qualitative study of cohabiting couples and found that over one half of couples who are living together didn’t talk about it but simply slid into doing so. In our large quantitative study of cohabitation, we have found that most cohabiters report a process more like sliding into cohabitation than talking about it and making a decision about it.