Many people today use the words intimacy and sex as if they’re interchangeable, but they’ve never been more different. In this world of hook-ups, friends with benefits, and virtual dating, everything now is inside-out, topsy-turvy, and completely cockeyed. College students have sex, fueled by alcohol and drugs, with partners they’ve just met. For them it’s all about physical pleasure, not intimacy. Middle-aged singles, lonely and socially awkward, have intensely intimate relationships with people on-line. For them, it’s all about the human connection even though they never plan to meet, let alone have sex. Sadly, there are many men who have created poor patterns when it comes to dating—usually due to women who never speak up or show gratitude when they do something kind and thoughtful. These men end up thinking that the way they treat women is acceptable. Honestly, it is frustrating and frankly, quite disappointing.
In contrast to dedication, constraint commitment is comprised of a collection of relatively disparate dimensions that reflect both past investment in the relationship and factors that make it harder to leave—if one wanted to do so. Constraints come in many forms, and they play a complicated role in the maintenance of relationships. Sometimes they reflect investments (that can be lost), xi and sometimes they reflect options that are limited or have become more so. In either case, what constraints do, conceptually and empirically, is raise the costs of leaving and reinforce staying, net of dedication. xii Constraints are not all that important in a person’s day-to-day relationship experience unless dedication is burned away; when dedication is gone, it is constraint commitment that can keep you where you are at.
I think the reason the meet-up tends to fall apart is because we as humans tend to have certain expectations and when those expectations are not met, we feel very disappointed. It’s so easy to build up someone in your mind, especially if all you have to go on is their online profile and what they’ve told you about themselves. You bring your own expectations to the table, hoping this potential Mr. or Ms. Right will meet your criteria, but in reality, meeting all of your expectations is impossible to do.
Does it seem more difficult to find love if you have a disability? Many of our interviewees said that, at first, yes. (Of course, when is it ever easy, right?) But they all agreed that once people talk and get past questions or concerns, love is love—sometimes it’s messy but mostly it’s marvelous. And these stories show it. We’re rolling out new stories, blogs, and expert advice throughout February!
Before going to bed last night, I searched through some of my old love letters from various people. I found one from someone that I had never met in person — it was an internet romance. This particular person professed that their love for me was their reason for living. In hindsight, I’m thinking oh my god really? We hadn’t even met! But then I scrolled down to see a letter from me that encouraged that type of thinking. What a revelation, albeit shocking and disappointing!
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. About 3 months ago, he moved 7 hours away from me for schooling. So I do agree with this article in that our frustrations lead to lots of fighting. Long distance is difficult, very difficult at least for me. We facetime twice a week. He isn’t very comfortable with me going out on the weekends. I’m also not comfortable with going out on the weekends.