Almost every girl has dated one: a liar, a cheater, or a jerk. And what’s worse, many women make excuse after excuse for taking their scoundrels back again and again. In fact, many people can come up with hundreds of reasons to take back a-no-good-man. Have you ever wondered why some people hold our attention in an almost hypnotic way, even if they don’t fit conventional definitions of beauty? A man can become mesmerized by a woman who displays that special something he can’t quite name. It doesn’t matter what she weighs or how old she is or what color her hair is—she has It.
In a recent email sent to me, someone was desperately asking me how she could help her partner overcome an addiction to pornography on the internet, and after some research online, I discovered an excellent product to beat pornography which I have recommended to her.
We vainly imagine this power of choice is the same as freedom, but if we have no basis on which to choose other than our subjective urges, transient likes and dislikes, and fantasies based on movies, novels and occasional glimpses at internet pornography, then choice is not freedom but bondage: bondage to the ideals of a sick culture and the passions of a fallen mind. But this is the reality many Orthodox Christians in North America and Europe today. Some lucky few have relationships with parents or spiritual mentors that are close enough and mature enough to provide some guidance and advice in the search for a mate. Most, however, are out on their own. Even if they do ask for advice or guidance from a priest or parent or other responsible person, many young people are merely seeking confirmation for what they already feel or think or lust for.
Differentiating the dating vs. relationship status can be a little messy, depending on the situation. Sometimes, nothing serious is spoken, but serious actions are undertaken. Other times, the right words are there, but the feelings aren’t. But by using these signs, you’ll be in a better position to know just where you are.
True sexual liberation, in my opinion, is being able to engage the current dating situation as it is. To be able to let go of the stories and propaganda you’ve swallowed over the years to face, and embrace, the person before you as they are. To learn each others’ actual needs and desires and go from there.
I understand your reasoning, Of course. But to say that they never work is false. Two years ago, I moved from California to Indiana to be with a man that I met online. We lived over 2000 miles apart for a year before even meeting. And yes, It had it’s hardships. But no more then any other normal relationship.