Pick up any book on relationships and you can bet it will have a section on online dating, whether it was written by Dr. Phil or the neighbour next door. This chapter on online dating is usually included to give people another avenue to pursue if they’re failing to get a date the old fashioned way. If you let the world make your decisions, you won’t have a life of your own to live, you’ll solely be a puppet of society and the norms it follows. Do NOT listen to the world and what it has to say about you and your partner. Be content with your partner, be as happy and as sad as you want to be with your partner without the fear of being judged by others. It’s your life, start owning it.
I have a son who is definitely in this category. Sad part is that he is also a father trying to get custody of his kids. Of course lawyers and judges don’t recognize these traits. They see his charm, not his manipulation. It is a very scary situation for the kids.
To say I’m surprised by these things would be an overstatement, because I’m really not. Turn on any TV station and you’ll tune into some divorce, break up, or relationship tragedy that’s occurring in the world around us. Listen in on any gossip at the office and you’ll hear about heart-break, lying, cheating, and manipulation. Sometimes, relationships can be really toxic. But what’s more surprising to me is not the occurrence of these relationships- but how little Christians talk about them.
There is nothing quite so humiliating and hurtful as an intimate relationship with a narcissist. I dug around online in the aftermath of my breakup. I wanted to see if other people had recovered from the psychological fallout of this type of toxic relationship. I was surprised to find very little about actual recovery.
As I’m looking through the list I’m agreeing with every one of the pillars until I got to number 12 – compersion. The definition (from both the Ethical Slut and More than Two) is: A feeling of joy experienced when a partner takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship. The definition that this article gives is: the idea that you can experience joy when someone you care about is happy, even if you’re not the source of that happiness. While I do experience joy when someone I care about is happy, I would not call that compersion. I call that just being happy. The article didn’t do a good job about selling compersion in a relationship. There’s a difference about being happy for someone and compersion.
Confident that how long a person dates does not determine the success of a marriage, I told my splendid Craigslist discovery (he loves it when I talk about him like he’s a treasure I found while on vacation on the Riviera) that we’re good to go. And we went.