So says the media. Girls, stop expecting guys to make any formal attempt at winning your affections. Don’t sit around waiting for a boy to make you a priority, communicate his intentions, or even call you on the phone. Exclusivity and intentionality are ancient rituals, things of the past, and misplaced hopes. Codependence is a reliance on relationships that hurt. It is an inability to trust our own feelings and get out of our own way. When you’re codependent, you hang on to bad relationships for dear life – not acknowledging that you’re causing your own pain.
I agree wholeheartedly with James. My mother-in-law is a narcissist and my husband has known it is whole life. He cut her out of his life 25 years ago, but circumstances arose in which we were forced to interact with her again and in close quarters. While staying with her she attempted to throw our 2 year old daughter off of a second floor terrace. We moved out even though it brought the rath of extended family down on us, via rumors and loss of contact.
But the gatherer guy….well…he lacks drive. He’s a Ford Pinto, or maybe a Volkswagen bus. The easy love thing works for him, but it isn’t working for her. Apparently, easy love isn’t so easy after all. Unwed mothers who struggle to raise their children without father’s know this better than anyone. Unfortunately, the children get the raw end of the deal.
Men who aren’t truly available — married or otherwise taken — prefer to take a passive approach to finding fun on the side. Aggressive chasing is too risky for a cheater, and he feels less guilty if you are the one to initiate pursuit. Likewise, you may be successful with bored single men looking for a distraction , or lonely guys who appreciate your effort but who will never be starry-eyed over you.
I’ve been writing, advising and researching relationships and dating for the past six years as a journalist. I’ve performed hundreds of in-depth interviews with singles, couples, researchers, therapists, psychologists, sociologists and other experts in the field of love to understand what makes modern relationships really work. I am currently Yahoo’s dating and relationship advice columnist. I am author of the forthcoming self-help book THE LOVE GAP, to be published in January 2018 by Grand Central Life & Style. I created a dynamic interview process for the book, giving advice based on my own observations about relationships, as well as scientific evidence. After months of discussing love with my interviewees and dozens of requests to become an adviser, I decided to pursue coaching.
I don’t know about you, but I want to be a person that is adding to the value and self-worth of the generation beneath me. I want to be a person that sees the good inside of others, and begins to encourage them for the God-given qualities and value that are unique to them. But at the end of the day, that only begins with learning to see the good inside of me.