Being in a relationship is great. Loneliness rarely sets in because you always have someone to spend the day with or talk to when you need to vent. You experience new things with this person, like seeing plays, going to concerts, traveling, exploring new restaurants and shops, etc. You can also learn from this person by conversing and challenging each other to understand different ideas and philosophies. We decided to work on it and after around 6 months it was like normal again. Then two and a half weeks ago I checked his phone (something I never do)- just to be nosy, in no way expecting to find anything. And there she was again. Sexual messages again. I almost hyperventilated, we were so happy and normal and in love. I don’t know any other couple that is as close and open with each other as we are. And yet this was happening. He said he’d bumped into her a couple of weeks before and it had started again. He said it wasn’t anything to do with how much he loved me, more about his fear of me leaving him and him self-sabotaging before I realised I was too good for him. After him living at his sister’s for a week, we decided to work on it and booked some counselling sessions.
You make all this sound like jaunty fun! I seem to have acquired an astral lover, but I’ve never seen him and we’ve never talked. By the time I’m aware of him, I’m already in the throes of, erm, anyway, he doen’t seem to require much of me, except access to my body 24/7. Even when I’m awake and going about my business, he’s trying to take care of business. I’ve had to go so far as to put salt in my undies to get some peace. It’s an easy day today, but there have been some pretty fierce days, and those days have me thinking of banishing spells.
Months into our relationship little things would appear. He told me he had an amicable relationship with his Ex-wife and had emotionally moved on, again, that was not true. He was still very invested in her—completely separate from co-parenting. And, if I brought her name up, he would get extremely defensive. Sternly telling me that he did not want to talk about her. Ok?!
That’s where Brasileira and I differ. Any relationship you enter into has the chance of ending one day. I can go into a fling knowing and accepting it’s a fling—enjoy the 2 months or 2 weeks, peace out and cherish the memories. In the case of Brasileira she’s recently out of an almost decade long relationship and needs time. It’s understandable. But this Menina Preta right here doesn’t knock the rebound. It’s always an option if you can handle it. A rebound fling (I emphasize fling) can be a great way to take the edge off and feel better about yourself. Go in with your eyes open.
I’m not going to pretend like Korean guys are going around holding doors for women and opening car doors, but couples are often seen together, the man holding the woman’s purse and/or books, while also holding her hand. Whipped? Maybe….but, probably it’s more a case of plain old-fashioned chivalry. I’m going to say something that’s probably not going to be very popular, but in the United States, feminism killed chivalry. The truth is that if you want to be able to have the same rights as men, you can’t demand they also wait on you hand and foot…. at least not in the U.S. But in Korea? Apparently you can have your cake and eat it too… most Korean women have the same amount of education and advancement in the career world as their male counterparts, yet the man still has to hold her purse? Forgive me, but it seems like the guys get the short end of the stick with this one!
There is a difference between family and friends being overly-protective and that of being reasonably concerned. Do not automatically dismiss one’s apprehension for the first; especially if it is possible there is some truth and reason to their uneasiness.