Now that I am engaged, I still feel like I have a lot to say to you gals that are just dating. Because I have been in some really unhealthy, not pleasing to God relationships, and then I’ve done it the right way (or at least made a real effort!) and I would’ve loved to have more resources about dating in a Godly way while I was a dating gal. Whatever you do, don’t buy into the idea that romance is dead and hook-up culture has replaced courtship. Just because singles now connect through apps like Hinge and Tinder doesn’t mean that our fundamental needs and desires have changed. Remember when guys used to honk their car horns at cute girls, an earlier form of swiping right? All that hope and excitement is still there. But now you are old enough to really savor it, taking it slow with someone who appreciates the chance to start something real — with you.
We are all worthy of relationships that enrich our lives, not wear us down. It sounds like you’ve been through hell. Good for you for realizing that its him, not you. Nothing will make him happy in the long term, he’s going to treat every other woman the same way.
I have known some, raised one, married one that is sorta, now all are out of my life. I do however, say we must forgive, but in their cases not forget, and stay away. Forgiveness isn’t for the other, it’s what we do for ourselves, and when we don’t forgive, that person still has that hold on us. Nope, forgive, but be wiser. Learn the leason, and move on. Thanks for a great lens on a difficult topic!
I’m 46 Divorced from a person I swear is a narcissistic person. I didn’t know it until we were Divorced. I didn’t know this term was out there but when I read the systems I’m pretty sure this is him. When our daughter was born my husband wasn’t there, because he said he didn’t want to mess up his award for perfect attendance which he gladly hung on the wall. Anytime we would get in a tiff, he would tell me I don’t think right, because I didn’t think like him. He blames anybody and everybody for things that go wrong, Never has he ever took any responsibility for anything he has done.
By finding out and being comfortable with yourself, I feel that you could be able to do those me times when your partner is away without feeling guilty or bad about it. I feel that when you hit those seven stages you can look at them in a different light (Like: My partner is responsible for their actions not me. I don’t have to play judge or victim to myself.) than you do now. I know that there are other books out there that are on the topic of personal growth/self-help; you will have to check them out and see which one feels good to you.
Thank you for the good advice. But I wonder what you mean about how I’m part of that past. I understand what you’re saying (and maybe I’m just making excuses) but I don’t know if I remind him of that or am part of it. The whole time I’ve always encouraged his sobriety, and I have helped him out, hes gone to me with troubles and such. And except for the month this summer, his main problem was BEFORE we met. He’s not the type of person to forget the past, he’s the type of person to embrace the past and learn from it. Even though he’s gotten into a lot of trouble and through a lot of turmoil he still has the most positive outlook on life. And he constantly tells me that I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to him. His best friend said I should give it some time and that he really needs a girl like me because I helped him stay sober through so much.